Hey You! Happy Monday. This evening, I am drinking water with lemon juice in it. I didn’t have fresh lemons, so I literally squeeze my bottle of lemon juice in it. I am not sure if that is healthy, but I was feeling it.
Today, I want to talk about that dreaded thing for most people called the mirror. I can’t count the number of times that staring into that mirror has made me cry or just want to stay home and hide. I can say for sure that it used to be my worst enemy; no, my expectations on my body image were my worst enemy, but that is changing. I was having a conversation today with a friend of mine about body image, and she said, “ I am starting to love my fat.” My first thought was, I wish I could, but my second thought was, I don’t actually think about it much unless I’m looking in a mirror.
Who invented mirrors anyway? Let’s get rid of them all. Just kidding, we need them to put our makeup on… We use the make up to hide the flaws that we see and only really think about when we look at our reflection in the mirror. Do you see the connection here, or is that just me? So much of our lives are based on us judging ourselves in the mirror.
Aside from the mirror, beauty standards come from society and technology. I am currently reading a dystopian novel called Uglies by Scott Westerfeld. In this world, once a person turns 16 years old, they get a transformation to turn ‘pretty.’ Until then, they are classified as ugly, but they are really just average human beings without all this surgery to be pretty. This novel is very symbolic of society now and all the expectations we put on ourselves to be the most beautiful person on earth. I haven’t finished the book, but I have a feeling people will realize it is about more than physical appearance.
A couple of days ago, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I did my usual pick apart my flaws. I usually do this, then leave the room with the mirror and have a lower self-image. I know many other people and I drag themselves down because they don’t have all these different features that a celebrity has or their beautiful best friend. For crying out loud, I spend most of my life hiding or being jealous of people because they were skinnier than me, just to find out they were jealous of me right back. I was so hard on myself because I wanted to be someone else who wanted to be me. So, why couldn’t I just love myself? Anyway, why waste my life worrying about something that does not make my life better. Why spend my precious time making my life worse by belittling myself.
So this evening, I was not feeling it. I was done with making myself feel like I am this treacherous monster because I have big thighs and a chubby face. I am stronger than that. I am stronger than letting myself think that I am anything less than beautiful. I looked myself dead in the eye and pledged that I would double it in compliments every bad thing I say to myself. Every time I think I am going to say a bad something about myself, I will find an even better compliment to say first.
I look in the mirror and say, Caitlin, you have beautiful eyes and vivacious lips. You are beautiful. Instead of leaving the washroom feeling defeated about my looks, I left the washroom laughing because a stranger complimented me. Yes, I said a stranger. I did not recognize the person that complimented me because they never looked at me with that kind of admiration. DID YOU HEAR THAT! I NEVER LOOKED AT MYSELF WITH THAT KIND OF ADMIRATION. Why because I was trained by society that finding yourself beautiful and loving yourself was something to be insecure about. It isn’t; it is something to be proud of.
If you can find yourself beautiful and compliment yourself, you should be proud because you are a strong and beautiful person. But more importantly, you are choosing to love yourself, and you should choose to love yourself every day. I promise you that you are worth loving. You are especially worth loving yourself. So, don’t let society to scare you away from loving every little piece of yourself. Be that person that compliments themself because you are worthy of your self-love. You are a strong, beautiful, and powerful women. So, love yourself more than anyone else because you deserve it. I hope you have a wonderful week, and remember to look in the mirror just to appreciate the beauty looking right back at you.
- Caitlin ❤