I’m not used to writing my posts on a Sunday. I have to admit, it’s nice. It’s early morning, we are all gathered in the living room drinking coffee, the fireplace is going, and when I look outside, the trees have hoarfrost on them (if you don’t know what that is, look it up-it’s beautiful). Sundays are the best!
However, when I think back to this time last year, I was struggling. Our little guy was four months old, and we hadn’t got much sleep since he was born. He cried a lot because he had reflux and was often uncomfortable. He also had a lactose sensitivity, so we were trying to find the right formula for him (a lot of trial and error…). I wasn’t bonding with him, and I felt like I wasn’t myself.
I was told what I was experiencing was normal- that’s “having a baby”. That did help me come to terms with it, but it also scared me because I didn’t know how long it would be like this. When would I feel like myself again?
Becoming a mom was one of the biggest dreams I had on my heart. I am so thankful God gave me the gift of my baby. Yet, in the midst of those struggles, I was angry. Why was it so hard? Why was I weighed down by pain instead of living in bliss like I thought I would be?
I was very hard on myself. I figured I should be a natural at handling everything. I was also naive. Prior to having a baby, I fantasized only about the cuddles and smiles. I wish I would have given myself grace in those months; it sure would have made the journey lighter.
It came to a point that I realized my struggle was affecting not only me, but my family. I made a decision that I needed to heal, directing me to what I knew best- my faith. In order to get where I wanted to be, I had to put in the effort and make time for what lifted me up. I knew that this also meant taking care of myself physically and mentally. I started to attend kickboxing classes twice a week, supplemented by workouts at home. I also paid attention to my thoughts, and actively worked on making sense of them and how to take control, instead of letting them control me. I also made the decision to see a health nurse to talk about my mental health. I had so much support around me, but I felt the need to talk to someone who didn’t know me so that I could spill out every feeling without fear of what others may think of me. The nurse was also able to provide medical reasons for the way I was feeling, giving me hope that with time and taking care of myself, I would be able to overcome this.
Now, a year later, I can testify to you that is possible. For any mommas, especially first time moms, out there reading this, I want you to know that joy and peace in motherhood is possible. I know that not every mom goes through this, but I am writing this for the ones who do, because I know how lonely and hopeless it feels.
I know you. I see you. I understand you.
I know that you love your baby with all your heart, and you don’t understand why something so magical as motherhood is so hard at the same time.
I know that you feel like you have lost yourself and you’re afraid you’ll never feel like that again.
I know you are so thankful for your baby, but you thought this journey would look differently.
I know that you wish you could be better for your family, but the pain is weighing you down and you don’t know if you’ll get past it.
I also know that you are strong, capable, valuable, worthy and amazing!
You are noticed. You are not invisible. You are loved.
My experience has ignited a passion in me to want to help other mommas out there that may be struggling. Motherhood is such a gift, and I want to support you because I want you to enjoy this journey and experience all of the magic that comes with it! I don’t want you to live in darkness like I did.
I have written a free guide for you that includes the three foundations that I focused on in order to deal with, and move past, what I was going through.
>>Click here to snag your copy!!<<
I’m praying for you, and here to support you! Feel free to comment below or connect with me over on Instagram @jess.kohlman
Cheering you on and sending hugs,
- Jess 🙂
Photo by Bonnie Kittle