From Depression to Happiness

Happy Monday! Grab your coffee, tea, or wine and let’s get started! We have a hard-hitting topic this week. Happiness! It is a hard-hitting topic because, as naturally as we want happiness to come to many of us, it can be a considerable challenge. However, depression is so much easier to become addicted to. I feel bad just dropping bombs like this, but I promise you that it gets a lot better in life and this post. Depression can be so addicting to many; this includes me. It would somehow get to the point that whenever I felt happiness, I would discover a way to tell myself I do not deserve it. However, I realized that the only way for this to change is if I change it. 

After many years of experiencing lows after lows, I realized the only way to change this is to change my mindset. Many things have authority over your feelings, but your mindset is what controls your reactions. It controls: how long you react for, the intensity of the response, and every other aspect of your emotions towards this reaction. I was continually noticing that my entire day would be ruined if one terrible thing happened to me in a day. I would not be able to let this incident go. However, I was unable to come to this realization without a lot of previous growth.

My first step towards happiness was looking at my surroundings and seeing if they benefited my mental health and mindset. My environment at the time was not helping my health, but slightly deteriorating it. After coming to this realization, I decided to change my situation by changing schools. This change was one of the best moves in my life. I finally learned there is more to this world than the tiny circle I lived in. Once I changed this environment, I thought I would be completely blissful. And although I was much happier, I still had horrible days and relied on others to make me happy.

Down the line, I took another step towards happiness. I decided it was time to focus on things that make me happy and saying no to things that do not benefit my overall happiness. This doesn’t mean saying no to priorities, but saying no to going out drinking when I need some alone time. Overall, it means caring for the ones that I love, but at the same time, not doing things that make me unnecessarily unhappy. Even after making all these changes, I was still being pulled back to this place of depression. I would be alone and feel way to lonely because I didn’t know how to make myself happy. Honestly, I gave up and thought a part of me would never be satisfied. I kept getting trapped in that society mindset. Maybe if I lost weight, I’d be happy? Perhaps if I wore more makeup, I’d be happy? Maybe if one guy would find me beautiful, I’d be happy. No! All these things are not going to make me happy. They will temporally distract me from my biggest problem. My mindset.

I had this realization driving from my parents’ house to my place, a five-hour drive. I was in a horrible mood and had no clue how to change it. I turned off the music (if you know me that rarely happens). I just drove and thought. Why am I so upset? I pondered this for a while when I realized there was no answer. I was solely upset because I wanted to be. I thought I had to feel this sadness until I forgot about it; I would never move on. This drove me crazy. Why would anyone want themself to be sad? After probably a half-hour, I decided it was because I didn’t think I deserved happiness. However, I do, you do, and everyone does. Happiness is a gift from yourself for yourself. From that day on, I decided not to feel anything but happiness. Yes, I understand there are horrible things sometimes that bring people down. However, let yourself feel that sadness at the moment and choose to feel happiness. Let the sadness pass because you deserve happiness. Sadness is a moment; happiness is life. You can choose happiness too. 

Caitlin ❤

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